Silent but deadly

He is angry. We blame each other. Our emotions obliterate all reasonable thoughts and actions. I am ridden with guilt and continually remind myself why I have chosen to leave this relationship. The silence is the boldest reminder, for I lived with over ten years of silence.

Why is communication so difficult? Is it hard for everyone to express their hurt and anger? Well, I guess it's not so much expressing it as it is receiving it. It hurts to know I caused anger and hurt. But to ignore it. To get angry because your life partner feels angry. It's all so complicated. It's all so bloody confusing. It hurts. I'm angry.

Some birthday

Today I told my partner/husband that I didn't want to live with him any more. I feel nauseous with despair. That place in my chest, where we all feel pain and misery, is writhing and clenching. I wonder if I have ever been happy in this relationship and doubt that I had the emotional intelligence to love. I'm talking about 23 years ago when we met. I was 28 years old for god's sake and I was needy and insecure and just wanted someone to love me and take care of me. I was clueless beyond comprehension. But the sad thing is, it has taken 23 years to get my act together. Twenty three years.